A church in our area recently (in the last six months or so) has taken some active steps to increase their attendance, having community concerts, hoedowns, and other assorted activities.

Their news release in this week’s paper goes way too far, though:

Back massages? lip treatments? chilled eye pads?? deep breathing and relaxation techniques???

And here I thought Acts 2:42 summarized Christian activity:

They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer.

I guess I got it all wrong. Bible doctrine, ministry, biblical worship, and prayer just don’t cut it any more. Gotta scratch what itches, ya know–or at least give a good rub down.

Maybe my alma mater can give me some tips on massage/cosmetology techniques. I did plenty of deep breathing then (especially during Hebrew exams) so maybe they can help me out here.

Gag.